That zone between porcelain and leather.

While the look on the top may be what Micheal Jackson is trying to achieve, I started out that way.
As for the woman in the middle: I love leather, but I wanna wear it, not be it. (As an aside note, click on her to zoom in and look where the sagging bikini top sits. I wonder if she nursed babies in her younger years)
My current state is more like unto the guy on the bottom (with slightly less chest hair) except my stripes are vertical and not hand shaped.

In preparation for our big trip I decided I'd buy a tan... you know, so I don't burn on those hot days riding in the sun. I had worked my way up to 20 minute sessions in a hot bed without so much as a hint of burning. One day I decided I'd throw some variety and adventure into my life and lay on my belly rather than my back. If you've never been in a tanning bed, it's basically just a giant glass waffle maker lined with fluorescent bulbs top and bottom. My belly, used to being about 10 or 12 inches from the top glass, was not so thrilled about being pressed against the bottom glass.

Imagine, if you will, pressing your self against a window and how distorted that looks from the other side of the glass. ... not a pretty sight when this involves fat bellies and boobies. About half way through the session I had a fleeting thought that I should roll over, but my skin was sweating and stuck to the glass and there's just not a lot of turn-over room, so I fell asleep for the rest of the session.

The lights, of course, are nice and straight. My skin and body shape - not so much. I ended up with a lovely burn in a zig-zaggy pattern down my torso. I assumed it would even out and go away after a few more sessions. I assumed wrong. And now I am peeling and fuzzy in crooked little rows. I look like I'm made of corduroy. It's one step better than leather, I suppose, but I'm thinking the Michael Jackson porcelain look was maybe not so bad.